a cork board

i seem to remember…
PMpTue, 06 Apr 2010 14:44:02 +000044Tuesday 1, 2010, 2:44 pm
Filed under: the mirror

I seem to remember a time when I didn’t care about a thing. it wasn’t that dramatic, or extreme. I’ve always been one to examine and observe. I always got lost in friend ship. got lost in laughter.

I seem to remember times when I would just step back and disconnect myself from the reality that was devouring my eyes. I stepped back and studied their faces. I studied their surroundings. because of my studies I was never really there when it was happening. so now, I am able to be there years later. and there is never dust when I do. just distorted laughter and slow-motion reaching.

I seem to remember a time when I didn’t do this. but I can’t tell if it is real because I never studied them. I never examined their occurrences or expressions. so because of this it is almost as though they never happened. I try and recall a time when I was three years old and full of everything. full of nothing. but I can’t. how far back can the memory go? I know I would like to jog back farther than it can reach, but the road ends before I get there. and I’m left glaring at horizons from the underneath the palm of my hand emblazoned across my brow, hoping I’ll see myself at a time where I can’t remember. hop-scotching over pastel chalks. but I never do. and I’ll never give up either. I’ll chase that boy until I find him. laughing at the idea of laughing.

I seem to remember having a son and seeing this boy in him. seeing everything that I cannot retrieve from those years is in his eyes. I can see it when he looks at things. the way he studies them. when he laughs with this mother like it is the first time every time. I’ll try not to study him though. I’ll try to just live in his rays. that way, I can remember. without fear of ever forgetting.


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