a cork board

get in where you fit in
AMpTue, 13 Apr 2010 11:56:44 +000056Tuesday 1, 2010, 11:56 am
Filed under: the ether, the mirror, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , ,

no, I’m not referring to the Too Short song or album of the same name. although that is what immediately comes to mind when I hear that phrase (bumpin’ Too Short in our old 1991 Pontiac Firebird with my big brothers Davin behind the wheel and Raj in the passenger seat, summer of 1995).

I’m just talking about fitting in somewhere, period. I never felt like I have ideally fit into  anything. there are always these little traits to my character that disassociates myself from groups. one way or another, I usually end up alienated. I know a lot of it is my own twisted imagination, but I have always had a rotating circle of friends. that’s partly due to me moving a lot, but I think it also has something to do with who I am. I end up getting real close to someone, or some people, and then differences start popping out like pimples. I can’t help but to see them, which in turn I can’t help but to think about them. differences of opinion, differences of preference , differences of beliefs, etc. whatever the difference is, I wonder if I’m the only one who notices it. and they usually end up annoying me, pestering my thoughts to the point where this elephant in the room materializes and cannot be ignored. I think I’ve lost some friends this way. I’ve fallen in and out of cliques because of this too.  

I also think it’s because I’m addicted to being Mr. Nice Guy. I’ve always been king of avoiding conflict. I’m so agreeable I can agree to disagree to an incredible degree. so if something is bothering me in a friendship, I usually don’t say anything. I just let it fester…and believe me, it festers. it starts to be the only thing that I can see when I’m with that person. and I try to say it must be me and just change myself. but I’m tired to trying to accommodate and change who I am. of course I need to grow as a person and my ideas will change with that in time, but I want to uncompromisingly be myself….and realize that (shit) I don’t need to fit in anywhere. I can cut a new mold.

because in the end, I’m just lying if I’m withholding my opinions. and what is a friend if you can’t be honest with each other? If you can’t be then maybe you’re not really friends? we need to be more open to hear things we might not want to hear (I’m guilty of that too). I don’t know…this whole topic has lead me into another topic (as usual), which I will write very soon. But in the end, I think fitting in is overrated. Cuz we ain’t ice-cubes or Christmas cookies…there’s no reason for us all to be shaped the same.


1 Comment so far
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You fit in perfectly in my odd corner of the world.


Comment by Liasis

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