a cork board

counting, counting, counting
AMpThu, 24 Jun 2010 11:13:40 +000013Thursday 1, 2010, 11:13 am
Filed under: the ether, the mirror, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , ,

i keep counting reasons to let things slide. and i can’t seem to find enough. i’m not good at ignoring bullshit or dealing with toal ignorance. i’ve begun to realize that that is not one of my strong-suits, which means that i seriously need to develop that skill. one of the many things in life i have learned is that if there is something you are inherently bad at (just naturally awful), then you need to get good and get good fast. because the more it annoys you, the more is drives you into a tyrannical twist of profanity echoing through your noisy, little head….then hey, the more you are going to attract that destruction. because it gets to wants you.

so today, i keep counting reasons not to scream. not to tell some one to fuck off and my logical mind is seeing it. but i wear every emotion in my skin. my face is like a canvas and every emotion is like paint. so everytime i come across this or something like this i can painting murals across canvases until i cannot breathe (because i paint over my air holes). so today i keep throwing away canvases because i want nobody to see these paintings. i want to hide under curtains of passiveness and complacency so no one knows about the quiet storm. so no one sees the earthquakes under the surface of the calm ocean. but in an aftermath somewhere, i will cast a tsunami onto unassuming shores. the butteerfly effect strikes again. and here i go again, rambling on about quiet storms and unseen distasters and tiny explosions.

i am trying to find reasons not to explode. not to smash coy, condescending faces into humility. but the demon that can come out of a human being is not going to come out of me today. or ever for that matter. as much as i love humanity and the compassion that we can possess…i despise the self-serving, better-than, snotty and no shame proprieters of everything that is against level playing fields. so i am couting today…1…2…3…4…help me find enough, so that i can maintain some level of composure and start counting my blessings instead.


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