a cork board


to blog…or not to blog
AMpWed, 12 Jan 2011 11:18:19 +000018Wednesday 1, 2010, 11:18 am
Filed under: the ether, the mirror, Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

Sometimes I wonder why I have this blog. I find myself sitting down and fishing for topics. I ask myself, what should I write about today?, and I usually end up writing nothing. When I do write, it’s a spur of the moment thing, there’s usually some event or person that pushes me into it. That’s why my posts are so far and few in between. Even today, I couldn’t figure out what to write about so I decided to ask myself out loud what I want to get out of this blog. Am I reaching out to the masses to educate, to entertain, to question or just to express myself? Sometimes I find myself filtering my thoughts here and trying to appeal to some mass public that’s out there. But really, who gives a flying fuck? But there are other times when I enjoy having this blog so much because I can be myself without making any apologies. I don’t have to explain myself or appeal to anyone but me. But if I’m pissing people off, then my number of reader’s goes down and no ones hears what I have to say. But then I back off and ask myself again, who gives a fuck?

The reason I started a blog is pretty funny actually. I was clicking around the internet and facebooking (hard to believe that’s become a verb now) my friends and poets and other people. And I noticed something…everyone has a blog. I took a long, hard look at people like Perez Hilton and people who are just passionate about something. So, what do they do? They create a format where they can express themselves and explore that passion, or exploit it. Some people become incredibly successful from a simple, little blog doo-hickey and things just start booming. Then I remember my dear friend Lara’s blog (http://bozabalian.wordpress.com/), and I remember when I first found; it felt so natural. It felt like it was just somewhere for her to place her thoughts. I scrolled through and noticed the posts were not every week, there was no schedule to them. Then I saw people popping up with blogs everywhere. And I said to myself, Self, everyone and their mother has a blog, who’s to say you can’t have one too? So I created this thing.

I didn’t want it to be a place where I posted only poetry. I didn’t want it to be some entertainment blog. I just wanted it to be somewhere on the inter-web that represented me, that’s it. So I write about anything and everything that comes to my mind. That’s why I named it a cork board; so that I can just post my thoughts and look back at them from time to time. I’ve always had these moments that pass so quickly and before I know it my thoughts are gone and I can’t place them. So this thing is like a big notebook or a cork board the size of Louisiana and I’m just trying to fill with an endless supply of thumb tacks, pen and paper in my pocket. And every now and then I can step back and re-enter this portal and reconnect with my thoughts from over the years. Sometimes I wish the administrative end of the blog didn’t tell me how many people read my blog, because I find myself checking the numbers all the time, because I’m not doing this for the numbers. I’m doing this for myself. I’m doing this anyone out there who might be a fan of my work. I’m doing this for my friends and family who live so far away I hardly get to see or speak to you. I hope people read this from time to time. And I just hope that those people feel connected to me when they do. Because if this is a place where I am capturing my thoughts and my expressions, then you can definitely find a piece of me here that you may not find in person. And you will definitely get to know me a little more than you did before. And because of that, we are more connected than yesterday. And that is something to be grateful for.

Be Well & Be Blessed.



10 Years
PMpTue, 04 Jan 2011 19:16:40 +000016Tuesday 1, 2010, 7:16 pm
Filed under: the ether, the mirror, the sweetst thing | Tags: , , ,

The new year always brings about a time to reflect. I reflect on the last year and what changes it has brought about in me, what obstacles I have faced (within and without), how I dealt those changes and obstacles and what I can take away from them as another year of my life. I also use it to look into the next year and try to decide what I would like to accomplish. This has become increasingly easier over the last few years (maybe it’s because age brings focus). But more and more, as the clock strikes midnight, it feels like just another day and I am left with a distaste at the influx of resolutions and the tidal wave of well wishes and inspirational quotes that flood statuses and text message inboxes.

But don’t worry, this post is not about new years eve or new years day or even new year’s resolutions (well, sort of). This is about my wife and I making it to 10 years of marriage. I got married when I was 18 years old. Everyone told me that I was making a mistake; that I was too young, too inexperienced; even that it was puppy love. But I’ve always been a level-headed person, I have always been able to think things through and been adept at making decisions (follow-through is a whole different story). But there was never a doubt in my 18 year-old mind that I was making the right decision. I was steadfast in my resolution to get married, that I had been lucky enough to find the right person and I was not about to let that go. There was not a single doubt in my mind, those came a bit later.

Marriage is not easy. It’s quite hard in fact. There is a lot of compromise, a lot of letting go and a lot of holding on. I come from a family full of pride, but I wasn’t always the most proud of the bunch. In marriage you have to find the right balance of setting your pride aside and letting your pride ride. There were times where each one of use thought that we might not make it, but we kept at it. Relationships always come to a place that I call the “is it worth it?” point. Because when things get hard, as people we need to know if all of the trouble is worth it in the end. Because, let’s face it, every problem has a resolution. But if two people are not a right fit, then they are not a right fit and no amount of pushing, pulling or prodding will make it work. But every time we have ever been faced with that question (“is it worth it?”), the answer has always turned out to be a heartful, resounding “yes!”; so we kept on at it.  And we are at a place in our lives right now where we are happy with our present, proud of our past and exuberant about our future. And we could not ask for more.

 

It’s been an amazing ten year journey since we exchanged vows. We never even had a full wedding ceremony. Maybe that will come later on one of our anniversaries, but I am looking forward to all the years to come, one by one. When we were 2 years in, everyone used to say “Oh, you guys are newlyweds!” and it drove me insane. My late Uncle Prakash pulled me aside and gave me a piece of advise that I cherish to this day. He said that he and his wife were married for 20+ years (I don’t remember the number) and one of the ways they made it so long was by not living for tomorrow, but for today; by not looking forward to 10 years when you’re only at 2 years. He said, if you’re at 6 months, then look forward to 1 year; if you’re 4 years, then look forward to 5 and so on and so on. Take the time to enjoy what you have while you have it, because if you look too far into the future, you will get lost in the present. So, we take it one year at a time and one day at a time, and his words carry us through. Here’s to a wonderful 10 years!

My Kavita, My Poetry. My Love. I Love You. Happy Ten!