a cork board

10 Years
PMpTue, 04 Jan 2011 19:16:40 +000016Tuesday 1, 2010, 7:16 pm
Filed under: the ether, the mirror, the sweetst thing | Tags: , , ,

The new year always brings about a time to reflect. I reflect on the last year and what changes it has brought about in me, what obstacles I have faced (within and without), how I dealt those changes and obstacles and what I can take away from them as another year of my life. I also use it to look into the next year and try to decide what I would like to accomplish. This has become increasingly easier over the last few years (maybe it’s because age brings focus). But more and more, as the clock strikes midnight, it feels like just another day and I am left with a distaste at the influx of resolutions and the tidal wave of well wishes and inspirational quotes that flood statuses and text message inboxes.

But don’t worry, this post is not about new years eve or new years day or even new year’s resolutions (well, sort of). This is about my wife and I making it to 10 years of marriage. I got married when I was 18 years old. Everyone told me that I was making a mistake; that I was too young, too inexperienced; even that it was puppy love. But I’ve always been a level-headed person, I have always been able to think things through and been adept at making decisions (follow-through is a whole different story). But there was never a doubt in my 18 year-old mind that I was making the right decision. I was steadfast in my resolution to get married, that I had been lucky enough to find the right person and I was not about to let that go. There was not a single doubt in my mind, those came a bit later.

Marriage is not easy. It’s quite hard in fact. There is a lot of compromise, a lot of letting go and a lot of holding on. I come from a family full of pride, but I wasn’t always the most proud of the bunch. In marriage you have to find the right balance of setting your pride aside and letting your pride ride. There were times where each one of use thought that we might not make it, but we kept at it. Relationships always come to a place that I call the “is it worth it?” point. Because when things get hard, as people we need to know if all of the trouble is worth it in the end. Because, let’s face it, every problem has a resolution. But if two people are not a right fit, then they are not a right fit and no amount of pushing, pulling or prodding will make it work. But every time we have ever been faced with that question (“is it worth it?”), the answer has always turned out to be a heartful, resounding “yes!”; so we kept on at it.  And we are at a place in our lives right now where we are happy with our present, proud of our past and exuberant about our future. And we could not ask for more.


It’s been an amazing ten year journey since we exchanged vows. We never even had a full wedding ceremony. Maybe that will come later on one of our anniversaries, but I am looking forward to all the years to come, one by one. When we were 2 years in, everyone used to say “Oh, you guys are newlyweds!” and it drove me insane. My late Uncle Prakash pulled me aside and gave me a piece of advise that I cherish to this day. He said that he and his wife were married for 20+ years (I don’t remember the number) and one of the ways they made it so long was by not living for tomorrow, but for today; by not looking forward to 10 years when you’re only at 2 years. He said, if you’re at 6 months, then look forward to 1 year; if you’re 4 years, then look forward to 5 and so on and so on. Take the time to enjoy what you have while you have it, because if you look too far into the future, you will get lost in the present. So, we take it one year at a time and one day at a time, and his words carry us through. Here’s to a wonderful 10 years!

My Kavita, My Poetry. My Love. I Love You. Happy Ten!


1 Comment so far
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WOW!! Congratulations brother. I’m so happy for both of you because I always see how happy you are together. May you never lose sight of the blessings that surround you and keep fighting the good fight – Love.

Comment by Ryan (Duffman) Duffy

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